There's this weird denial that sets in before a deployment. Time starts going really fast, and you can't seem to slow it down. You keep the idea of D-day in the back of your mind, buried...where it can't disrupt your life. You go through weeks, maybe even months, avoiding it altogether.
Then something happens that changes everything. There is no more pushing it to the side or avoiding it. There is no more denial because it's in your face. That something for me is always when Steve has to pack his bags.
Last night he came home from work with his packing list, and it hit me. He's leaving! It's been surreal up until this point. I've managed to think of it in abstract terms that don't involve me driving him to a deployment ceremony, and watching him walk away for a year or more. With this little piece of paper listing various gear...it's all too real.
One of two things will happen when he actually starts shoving stuff into his bags. I'll be really distracted doing something else, trying to completely ignore him, or I'll distract myself by diggin' in and helping him. Either way the distraction is a false sense of security because I feel it, whether I want to or not.
Now that it's sinking in, it's not quite as bad as I thought it would be. This last time around has been the longest Steve and I have ever been together in our nearly 8 years of marriage. I thought that maybe I'd get so used to him, so dependent on him, that I'd start to crumble. Instead, I know I can do this and I'm just bracing myself. We'll get through it, and come out even stronger on the other side!
