Uncertainty Lingers

After praying and thinking, then some thinking and praying...I came to a conclusion. I should tell my daughters that their dad is leaving for Iraq.

Months ago we got the news that he was going to deploy again, but it was surrounded by rumors. Rumors that he might not leave until much later, and rumors that he might not go at all. My husband and I kept it like a secret, tucked away for only us to know. Everything with the Army is "subject to change," and there was no point in worrying the girls until we heard something certain.

When things began to look more set in stone, I wondered if I should tell them. They've been through a few deployments, and they're both getting old enough to understand. I thought, prayed, talked it over with my husband, and I just wasn't feeling confident enough one way or another. He has to pack up his bags next week, and there is no easy way around something so obvious.

So, I sat them down today and let them know that Daddy was going to be leaving. It's strange telling them when it feels so surreal to me! I broke the news carefully and slowly, explaining to them that we still have some time together as a family, but it's time to start preparing.

My oldest crumbled. She climbed into my arms sobbing, big alligator tears rolling down her cheeks. They've been through this so many times, but it never gets any easier. The worst part is...there is no way to fix that hurt. No matter what I say or do, I can't change the fact that he is going to have to get on a plane and leave. My heart was breaking watching hers break. The hurts that can be covered with a bandaid are much easier to fix.

As sad as she's been today, I'm just not sure telling them was the right thing to do. I don't know that waiting would be any better, because being blindsided with big news can leave you feeling horrible. I'm just not sure waiting on D-day is going to make them feel any better.

I am just so thankful that we've had so much time with Steve this time around, and I'm encouraging the girls to enjoy the time we have left. All we can do now is make some really great memories for them to carry in their hearts all the days he is gone!