Static electricity

Our deployment is right around the corner, and I'm feeling it. I have this general BLAH feeling throughout the day, and I can't seem to shake the dread. All I can do is shove it in the back of my brain and carry on.

I was talking to a friend the other day, whose husband is leaving with mine. We got on the subject of arguing. Apparently, it's pretty common when a long separation is on the horizon. I know that Steve and I have experienced it before. The tension starts to creep in, he gets crazy busy at work, stress is at an all time high, and everything turns into a big deal. I've had several friends tell me they've experienced this phenomena.

It basically feels like all of your senses and emotions are heightened (an obvious reason I'd never want to be a superhero). You want to be together and enjoy every moment, but the slightest little hiccup can become a huge, unnecessary, argument. Instead of just working it out, and getting back to spending time together...it sort of feels like an end of the world, epic catastrophe.

My friend was telling me about an argument she had with her husband. It started over dinner, and turned into something pretty ugly. Listening to her talk, I had to laugh. I wasn't laughing at her, but WITH her. There are times when I feel myself slipping into my angry place over something that doesn't really matter, and I've got to step back and breathe.

I think it's like her and I discussed, you're riding the most radical roller coaster you've ever ridden. You are happy in love, and it's almost a euphoric high, one minute. You are trying to savor every moment, and store it in your memory bank for future use. The next, something inside you...fear, tension, frustration...rears it's ugly head and presents in anger.

Luckily, knowing there is a problem is half the battle. I can remind myself to breathe deep, and keep my emotions in check. I can pray for some patience and peace. I can try to talk to him about what I'm feeling, rather than explode, and let it all out in temper tantrum form. For now, I just take things one step at a time. I want to cherish the time we have together, making sure that I don't let myself get too far off balance. I'd never want to take this for granted.