Yikes!

So, we're seriously down to the wire. I think that it's all sinking in for everyone. Hannah had a sobbing meltdown in the middle of a gas station between Texas and Kansas when she realized Steve's block leave was almost over. (Block leave, for anyone who doesn't know, is the 15 days he gets off of work before a deployment) Sarah was slower to figure out what was going on, but when she was talking about doing things with Daddy this summer, I figured it was only fair to tell her. "He really won't be here?" This was followed by sniffles and her usual, "Why can't we just go to Iraq with him?"

The last time Steve deployed, Sarah was two years old when he left. She really didn't understand the big fuss. A year made no sense to her and at first he was out of sight, out of mind. When he took his R&R (R&R is the 14 days he gets mid-deployment to come home and visit) she was ALL over him. It was like he'd vanish if she wasn't attached to him. After he went back, she had a really hard time. If she wanted something out of her bedroom, I had to go with her to get it. And forget her playing in there. She didn't want to be away from me. She wouldn't nap without me lying next to her. It got to be a bit overwhelming, and sometimes exhausting.

One night, she woke up from a bad dream. I tried talking to her, singing to her, snuggling with her. All she could say is "I want my daddy." It broke my heart, so I told her that as soon as he was done working, he'd come back home. She grabbed my face with both hands and yelled "Stop saying that to me, mama." I was at a loss for words, and knew that if he was all she wanted it would be a long night. There was no way I could give him to her.

A friend of mine suggested a play therapist. Play therapy was something Sarah really enjoyed, and the therapist told me right away that she thought we were dealing with some pretty severe separation anxiety. She gave me some suggestions, but nothing seemed to work. That is, until her daddy came home. It was like she was a different kid!

Now that he's leaving again, she's having some major issues. The past week or so, her behavior has been less than desirable, and that's probably putting it nicely. I think back to a week ago and that's about the time she really connected the idea of him leaving with him not being here. I know I'm not the first mom to go through all of this, but ugh! I dread her struggling with all of this, dread not having the answers to all of her questions, and most of all I dread the night she wakes up wanting him and he's not here. =(